Recently things have been troubling me and although I have chatted to God about this the feelings have started to overwhelm me. It is not that I think God has forgotten me as I know how close he is, rather it is the hormones of mid life that have taken over.
I still have so much to live for, I still find pleasure in the small things as well as the big things. However my hormones are telling me differently. They are clashing in an unorganized orchestra. It is as though the conductor has left the scene leaving each instrument in a state of flux.
The feelings are overwhelming at times and can be frightening. I know that this is a normal stage of life, but it is a distressing one. I can't control it as it is a process that the body must go through.
So where is God in this change, in my unsettled mind and hormones? I am beginning to think that He is in the funny side. This mid-life thing can be serious as it affects the mind, however that aside when I look at some of the things I do as a result of these chemical changes I have to laugh.
Sometimes when one of my daughter's relays a comment I have made or an action I have done I stand amazed at the silliness of it, and question if I really did say or do such a strange thing. Of course the answer is yes I did.
Did I really put the cat in the washing machine thinking it was a jumper?
Did I really turn on the electric hob under a plate causing it to heat up and explode?
Did I really park in a car-park and later try to unlock someone else's car convinced that it was mine and then have an argument with the owner stating categorically that it was mine?
I think this is where the verse from Proverbs 3:5 comes in:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
At the moment my own understanding is all over the place. But God will see me through this as He has everything else in my life. Hanging in there and laughing at the odd scenarios seems the only way. Well I am sure God is laughing too. So hand in hand we will walk this path of wild hormones and see the funny side. And when the overwhelming thoughts come and go I shall pray: